Well ruddy hell, what a finale to cap a pretty damn good series (or is it season? Let’s go with series, we’re British) of GAME OF THRONES. Sure, there were one or two bits that dragged, but the pace picked up hugely towards the end (especially that insane final episode), and we’re already impatient for series 6. Given that we’ve got a while till then, we thought we’d have a look back at the ten slices of beardy, bawdy action and hand out some gongs. So without further ado, here are our GAME OF THRONES Series 5 Awards, sponsored by Dragon Glass…
FINAL SPOILER WARNING!!
Hero of the Series
Jon Snow. Ok, so he’s often been very wooden and miserable in the past, but that battle with the White Walkers was quite something. For the first time ever we believed that maybe, just maybe, he could be the man to save and unite the Seven Kingdoms. But then along came that final scene in the last episode and we all lost our minds again.
Villain of the Series
It’s a tie! We thought Ramsay Bolton (or Snow, whatever) had it in the bag for his truly horrific actions, but then along came Stannis Baratheon and his unique methods of childcare. Two awful people, but at least Stannis has now paid the ultimate price for his wicked ways. Surely an even worse fate awaits Ramsay. We can only hope.
The Bran Stark Award for Most Pointless Character
Sam Tarly retains this award for the 3rd year running. How is he a) still alive b) still so round? THERE’S NO FOOD!
Best New Career
Cock Merchant. Enough said.
Another tie! We just can’t separate Tyrion Lannister and Wildling leader Tormund Giantsbane. They have our utmost respect.
The ‘Just give it up mate, she ain’t interested’ Award
He’s kept on trying to redeem himself with Dany, but maybe Ser Jorah Mormont just has to accept it won’t happen. Will his heroic actions in the fighting pits be enough? Either way, his love will surely remain unrequited. SURELY.
Slowest Growing Baby
Little baby Sam. When they finally do release him from his swaddling he’ll be a fifteen-year-old boy with a pathetic bumfluff tash and a voice that’s starting to break.
The ‘Dick van Dyke in Mary Poppins’ Award for Most Meandering Accent
Just where exactly is Lord Petyr Baelish, aka Littlefinger, from?
The Red Wedding Award for Most Shocking Moment
Poor Shireen Baratheon. Poor, poor Shireen. Sure, there have been some awful, horrific moments, but we really didn’t expect Stannis to let us down like that. The (apparent) end of Jon Snow was a close runner-up, but perhaps we’re all becoming a bit immune to the whole character-who-you-think-is-the-main-hero-gets-stabbed-lots thing.
Best Fictional Illness
“Doctor, can you help me? I think I’ve got myself a nasty case of greyscale”
And there we have it. So whaddya think? Reckon we’ve been too harsh on ol’ Sam? Or not harsh enough, for that matter? Why not tweet us @StareAtBooks and let us know what awards you’d like to have seen.