With trailers released this week for Jurassic World and Star Wars: Episode 7, sequels to our best loved classics are still coming thick and fast. The newest member of the MWSAB team, the lovable rogue Tom Troughton, looks at some film sequels that Hollywood probably shouldn’t have bothered with…
Check out the box office listings lately, and you’ll find an interesting catalogue of hits: The Hunger Games: Mockingjay; The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies; even my personal favourite, Nativity 3: Dude Where’s My Donkey?!
It seems that Hollywood is sticking to what it knows best, rebooting film series and churning out sequel after sequel. In celebration of this cheery revelation, let me take you through some of the worst film sequels I’ve had endure (no donkeys included…).
The Matrix: Revolutions (2003)
The original film hit cinemas back in 1999 and changed the face of science fiction. I assumed that the second in the series, The Matrix: Reloaded, was just a bad Hollywood mistake that would be corrected by this final instalment. It turns out that the special effects are still terrible, the plot is equally (if not more) confusing than its predecessor, and Keanu Reeve’s wooden acting can only be tolerated for so long. When a tonne of characters die towards the end (SPOILER ALERT!), you’ll just shrug and say ‘meh’.
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest (2006) and At World’s End (2007)
The Curse of the Black Pearl is genius. Sadly its two sequels aren’t*. As per The Matrix, there’s so much going on in the plot, it might help by talking it out with a friend (‘So there’s a bad guy called Beckett who wants to arrest some other guys … and another bad guy with tentacles on his face … and then Captain Barbossa, the bad guy from the first film, who isn’t so bad after all?’). Johnny Depp’s slurry, drunken performance starts to grind after a while and that scene with the army of crabs just, well, it just makes me sad. Can I ask why a fifth film is scheduled for 2017?
* I would review the whole Pirates series collectively but I gave up on the fourth (On Stranger Tides).
Indiana Jones 4: Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008)
Come on Spielberg, you’re meant to be a film genius! I’m not going to pretend like Indiana Jones was a film of my time (I’m a 90’s kid after all…) but I did grow up watching the original trilogy over and over again. I just have one question, really: What the hell are the aliens about?!
Quantum of Solace (2008)
Casino Royale reinvented the 007 series – Daniel Craig’s James Bond was funny, suave, ruthless (and blonde!). Quantum of Solace kicks off right where the previous film ends, throwing us straight into an action scene. However, it’s all down hill after the opening ten minutes. Craig’s Bond loses his cool and instead becomes a character set on avenging his lover’s murder. This film trades in the usual humour of the Bond series for characters that barely utter two lines before they’re killed off and a villain who is just a jaded businessman in a suit (talk about character development…).
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